Iran-Israel conflict: What to say to your children when they ask 'Will we be okay'

It was 2001, and our class teacher had to face a room of rattled 10-year-olds. A catastrophic world event had occurred, and more would follow in the days to come. As children, we did what we knew best: chattered in horror, used words that had never been part of our daily vocabulary but now were, and always would be, while our teacher struggled to find the right language to explain what was happening.

The internet was still a growing luxury and privilege, so our information came from television, and from our parents, who sat beside us, trying to stay calm even as they were processing everything themselves. For the most part, we returned to our routines, chatting about all the possible outcomes like we were solving a puzzle. But fear would creep in suddenly, during turbulence on a flight, or when a plane turned back due to dense fog. We had made the connection: the world could change in a moment.

Fast-forward to today, and many children are once again witnessing unrest and conflict play out in real time, flights changing, summer plans being uprooted, and this time watching it all unfold through 24/7 social media, YouTube explainers, and WhatsApp forwards. The access is immediate, but the emotional processing hasn’t gotten easier.

So how do we talk to children about global conflict, honestly, but without overwhelming them?

They might not say it, but they are deeply affected. Some, as a mother who prefers to remain unnamed, talks about ‘stocking up’ food, even if they doesn’t know explicitly what it means: She is just always ‘ready’ for a disaster waiting to happen.

According to clinical psychologist Aida Suhaimi, from Dubai’s Medcare, children, especially adolescents, can be deeply affected by world events, even if they don’t always have the words to express it. “As they are at a turning point in their lives, feeling both like children and young adults, adolescents are especially reluctant to talk to their parents about their stress during times of world conflict because they fear that they will be characterised if they don't know how to deal with their stress and this can be all too overwhelming for them. They may not even be aware that they are under stress at times,” she says.

Dr Suhaimi highlights several behavioural cues that could signal a child is absorbing distress:

Increased irritability or emotional outbursts: These may seem out of proportion, but they’re often signs of a person being overwhelmed.

Sleep disturbances: Nightmares, insomnia, or resistance to bedtime are common red flags.

Withdrawal from social interactions: A sudden preference for being alone or disengaging from friends and family may signal inner turmoil.

Academic decline: Difficulty focusing, completing schoolwork, or frequent emotional incidents at school could point to deeper issues.

Defiance or acting out: Sometimes, fear manifests as aggression or rebellion, as children try to regain a sense of control.

Sometimes, silence is more unsettling than a gentle conversation. When you try to avoid a conversation, the child tries to draw their own conclusions by reading on the internet, and possibly making themselves more anxious in the future.

A little softness, and a lot of empathy in an honest conversation, is what is needed here.

As Dr Suhaimi suggests:

For a 6-year-old:

“Sometimes things happen far away that seem scary. Right now, some people in another country are having a hard time, and adults are trying to help.”

For a 12-year-old:

“There’s a conflict happening between two countries. It’s complicated, but we can talk about what it means and what people are doing to fix it.”

When they ask ‘will we be okay’ or ‘why are people fighting’?

It’s a difficult question to answer, especially in times of uncertainty. But at that point, don’t look for perfect answers, because there are none. Just use your presence and give them your clarity.

When discussing global conflicts with children, use language that balances truthfulness with reassurance and that is appropriate for their age and emotional development, Dr Suhaimi advises. “Acknowledge to your child that what is going on in the world is disturbing to you as well, but keep in mind that children receive emotional cues from adults, so try not to overshare your concerns with your child. Speak calmly to them, and be aware of your body language. Assure them that they are protected from any harm.”

We truly don’t have all the answers, and admitting it, models emotional honesty, as Suhaimi explains.  “I don’t know, but I’m here with you,” can be far more comforting than vague assurances or over-explanations. “Children don’t need all the answers,” says Suhaimi. “They just need to know they’re not alone in the unknown.”

When questions turn to death, destruction, and displacement

Some children will ask about the most painful parts of a global crisis. Here’s how Dr Suhaimi recommends handling these conversations:

Let them lead: “Start by asking what they know and understand. Only answer what they’re asking.”

Use simple, gentle words: Say, “Some people are getting hurt and need to leave their homes,” instead of graphic details.

Be honest but reassuring: “Tell the truth, but remind them there are people helping.”

Focus on helpers and hope: Talk about doctors, aid workers, and kind people making a difference.

Validate feelings: “It’s okay to feel sad or confused. I would feel the same way too. I’m here if you want to talk.”

Limit media exposure: “Too much news can increase fear. Watch together if needed and talk it through.”